This post, and subsequent lifestyle change, have been a long time coming! It is time for me to focus on ME for a while and get my life, body and health back on track! I feel like I was seriously derailed with having kids. I recovered somewhat after having Jack and then tumbled off a steep cliff after having Colin.
Sure, I could make ALL sorts of excuses like, “who has the time?” or “I’m just too tired” or “I’m working two jobs simultaneously,” etc, etc. All of those “excuses” are true – but dangit - I’m done with them!
I have a serious issue with weight, dieting, losing weight, keeping it off etc. I look at some people that need to lose a few pounds, so they just load up on protein and fruit for a couple of weeks and it melts off – that AIN’T me! It is truly HARD for me to lose weight. My body hangs on to it like a famine is about to hit.
I should start by going back to high school. I was a STICK – I mean tiny! But being in high school with all the pressures that go along with that, I also developed an eating disorder. I won’t go into that – it is what it is – but it shaped a lot of my self-image and also, I believe, my struggle with losing weight now.
I have done Weight Watchers more than once. The first time I was a WW rockstar! I lost 40 pounds before my wedding and was so happy with my body and energy level. Well, then I was married and happy, going out and enjoying our new life. The pounds slowly crept back. I was up 30 pounds when I got pregnant with Jack – during which time I gained 40 more! I was terrified of the fight I knew I would have, but I was really banking on the whole “breastfeeding just melts the pounds away” part. Well, not for me! Again, they clung to me. I kept repeating to myself what so many had told me, “it takes nine months to put on the weight and it will take you nine months to take it off.” Well, you know what? It did! On Jack’s nine-month birthday I was back down to my pre-pregnancy weight! Yes, I was ecstatic to be back to being only 30 pounds overweight!
At that point I was still working full-time and made at least one failed attempt at WW again. Then when Jack was 18 months old – I got pregnant with Colin. The fear of the weight gain and struggle to lose it again came back. I tried to turn that fear into eating healthfully for both me and the baby, however. That pregnancy, I gained only 30 pounds and took that as a major victory!
Between baby and nursing I dropped 20 of it almost immediately. Those pesky 10 pounds have hung on ever since. I am still in my “fat” clothes that I bought after Jack’s pregnancy (and swore I would only need for a short while). Because of that, I haven’t bought clothes in AGES - except for a couple of special occasions where I HAD to have something – because I hated the idea of spending money on clothes that I didn’t plan to wear for very long.
Well, 14 months later, those temporary clothes are getting pretty darn worn out and I am getting pretty darn fed up! As a result, yesterday I recommitted to my WW lifestyle - and I am determined to get back on track! Honestly, I don’t know if I can/will lose 40 pounds, but I don’t care. This isn’t really about a number to me anymore – it about being happy again. It has been a very long time since I have been happy with my body and felt energetic. I’m not asking for pity – again – it is what it is. Yes, I KNOW I have two kids and also a growing career that take whatever energy I have, but I am tired of making them my excuses too!
In future posts I will talk about how I am going to go about all of this. This is simply Day 2 so I have a lot to figure out. I have a lot of baggage to unload about my misconceptions about body image etc. Lord knows I know HOW to eat and what to eat – my problem is simply eating! My metabolism is SHOT because I haven’t been finding the time to eat.
So, step one is EAT! HAHA! That usually isn’t the first step in a weight loss plan – but it is for me. After 2 days of forcing myself to eat healthy meals at regular times - I feel AMAZING!!
Please pray for this to continue! I am the Queen of derailed attempts – rather WAS the Queen – but this time will be different.